5 days-Eek!

Today was pre-op day.  Drove down to Laguna Hills by myself and met with the nurse practioner for both my surgeon and plastic surgeon.  Had to sign tons and tons of paperwork and consent forms with tons of disturbing details of all the possible complications and risks of surgery.  Fun stuff.  So I'll be checking in at Saddleback Hospital admitting department at 1:30pm on Monday.  I will then go get radioactive.  They will inject a chemical into my nipple at that time and then I will be directed to the OR to be prepped.  Once I am under they will inject a blue dye that will help determine the sentinel lymph node for them to test to determine if there is any cancer in the lymph nodes.  If the sentinel comes back negative, then they wont have to remove any more, if they come back positive then they will take level 1 and 2 of the lymph nodes from that arm for a full testing.  Then she will do the mastectomy and remove all the breast tissue.  When she is finished then the plastic surgeon will come in and put in the tissue expanders and finish up the surgery.  Estimated time of surgery is 5 hours.  So will be done in the late evening on Monday night with probably only an overnight stay in the hospital.  I cant eat or drink ANYTHING for 8 hours before surgery!!  Not even WATER!  That sucks!! Like a lot.  I usually eat like every two hours and never skip a meal and never go anywhere without my water bottle.  As if I don't have enough of a reason to be cranky that day.  I hate to be hungry!  Argh!
While I was there I also had my blood work done and got fitted for a couple of mastectomy bras.  Everyone I have dealt with has been extremely friendly and nice.  Very glad to be going somewhere that makes me so comfortable and at ease, but really wish it wasn't so damn far!!  Turns out having cancer really makes having agoraphobia a pain in the ass!  Kinda being forced to grow a pair!!
Well the time is a ticking.  Work is crazy, my desk is a disaster, the house is a mess and I have many errands to run, but trying not to let it get me stressed.  It'll get done one way or another and if it doesn't then it doesn't, I've got bigger fish to fry!  

It's about to get real

So, here is this weeks rundown. Monday morning I spoke to Dr Curcio over the phone and she had reviewed all my labs and reports and there were no discrepancies in the original results and she had spoken to the plastic surgeon and we were ago to get me on the schedule, so the scheduler from her office would call me the next day. So Samantha from her office called me Tuesday and said the soonest they could get me in was May 13th.  I was a little disappointed that it was so far out, cause i really just want this out already!! But we started making plans, Dad's flying out and everyone figuring out days they can take off to be on Katrina duty. Then Wednesday we drove down to Orange to meet with oncologist Dr Link, he was also disappointed that surgery was so far out, but said he would start me on tamoxifen (hormone blockers) now, so that we could treat the cancer in the meantime. I was glad he was being proactive and we were gonna be actively fighting, but also very nervous about starting. Decided that since we are going to Joshua Tree this weekend, that I did not need to compound my stress by starting the medication. So I'll start taking it Sunday when we get home. But then today I received a call from Dr Curcio's office stating that per Dr Link's request they have moved my surgery date to May 5th!!!! As in 10 days!! I have been so anxious about trying to hurry up and get this going and over with, but now that it's just around the corner, I am a little freaked out!!! Holy Crap, this is really happening!   Time to get serious.  Gottaa start gathering comfy clothes and pillows and downloading movies and books.  Any suggestions on good books  or movies anyone  has scene or read lately?

Keeping positive

It's been a long ten days.  Had another biopsy done last week that was even more painful.  And had to wait over a week to get the results, which was excruciating.  Had to test to see if an enlarged lymph node was cancerous and thankfully the results came back negative.  Yay!! I mean I am not out of the woods yet. I will still have to have a sentinel node biopsy during surgery to make sure no other lymph nodes are affected, but it is encouraging and makes me hopeful.  Met with the plastic surgeon and feel good about my "team".  Went to lunch with another awesome survivor that gave me some tips and thoughtfully brought me some books and some great head covers.  Also went to a support group tea with a couple of nice ladies that helped me get prepared and make up some lists.  I feel like I am going in more prepared for what I am in for.  And I am not going to lie, what I am in for is going to royally suck! Big time.  But trying to think of the positives.  Cant wait til next summer when I can wear spaghetti straps and strapless!! :) And as always I am very grateful for awesome friends and family that are there to help keep me positive and have so many things to enjoy in life!! :)

Hello PPO

So, life after ppo sure does seem a lot easier. Had an appointment with Dr. Lisa Curcio at the Breastlink Center at Saddleback Medical Center and everyone was super nice and attentive.  Asking us if we wanted anything to drink and instead of wearing a piece of very uncomfortable and awkward paper, I got a very fashionable leopard print silk gown. Very fancy! :)  We looked at images of my screenings and talked and watched a power point video and then started making some plans.  It's just so nice to not have to worry about referrals and authorizations.  I can just make decisions about who I want to see and what tests we want to do based on what me and my doctor  feel is best, what a strange concept.   I may even see their oncologist just to see what his opinion and his suggestions are just for the hell of it because I can.....ha! He happens to have written the book I read about Surviving Breast Cancer, so it's pretty cool that I might be able to get his  take on my situation.   So,  I still have to see the plastic surgeon and have another ultrasound and possible biopsy, so it'll be another couple of weeks before surgery, but things are in the works and I'm feeling a lot better about  the upcoming battle.

See You Later HMO!

So.....many days have passed and I have not posted.   I made it through the MRI and received the results today from my oncologist and everything appears to be as expected, nothing new or surprising, so that is encouraging.  Have spent the last several days still going back and forth with the HMO to get denials appealed and new authorizations submitted and was told that I would be able to see a surgeon at Cedars Senai, which was encouraging, but of course has still not actually been approved and was resubmitted today for authorization that they say will be done by Friday.  But, instead we are moving forward with a PPO.  Thankfully I was able to make the change and it was officially processed yesterday.  I am truly hopeful and encouraged that this is going to make my life much easier from this point on.  Not that my life is going to be by any means easy.   I still keep forgetting that I am about to get my tatas cut off and have chemicals poured into my body, but now I can stop begging them to do it and hopefully they will just do it without all the begging.  I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon with a surgeon at a breast cancer center in Laguna Hills that I have heard good things about and that I am super hopeful will be able to get things going quickly.  Also finally got the genetic test done today after waiting three wasted weeks, so doubtful I will have results back before any surgery takes place, but at least it is in the works.  So I am keeping positive that at least the insurance phase of this nightmare is over.  Onto the next!! Eeek!! :(

Conquered the Beast

So I survived it!!  The ever terrifying MRI Machine that has plagued my sleep for the last several nights. 
I had to get to my appointment an hour early so that I would have time to take the sedative and have it kick in before my MRI.  However my nerves about taking the sedative were still in high gear and I was truly debating which was worse.  But we got there and filled out paperwork, paid copays and signed my life away and then the technician brought me out my teeny tiny white pill.  He assured me that the amount he was giving me was the smallest possible dosage, as I was terrified that it would be too much since I am such a lightweight and that it would just relax me and nothing else.  So he told me to put the pill under my tongue for a minute and then swallow it with water. I did so, but the second it was under my tongue I was back to debating which fear I feared the most.  But in the end I swallowed!!! After just a few minutes I felt my lids getting heavy, but was not feeling relaxed and carefree by any means.  Then they called me in the back to get undressed, take off all of my jewelery and put all of my belongings into a locker.  My panic and anxiety were not really dissipating as I had been promised.  Then I am called into the room to face the beast!!  I have to sit and have an IV placed in my arm and then climb onto the beast tummy down, tata's sticking into holes and face down into another hole.  Arms straight out over my head with my IV arm as straight as possible. I get all situated and then am told not to move.  They stick in ear plugs and hand me my panic ball to squeeze in case I absolutely have to have them pull me out.  I think it is actually beneficial that my face is stuck in a hole and I can not see anything around me.  I can not see how confined I am or how far into the machine I am. I just keep trying to convince myself that it is very open and roomy around me.  The hard part is actually not at all what I expected.  The claustrophobic part actually bothers me a lot less than I thought and I am just in complete discomfort that turns into pain from having to be in an awkward position for 40 minutes without moving an inch.  By 20 minutes in, my arms are completely asleep, tingling fingers that are getting more and more sore, my rib cage is getting sore from the table digging in and a throbbing headache from my forehead digging into the same spot for such a long period of time.  He warned me that they would insert the dye with about 10 minutes left to go.  So when he told me they were ready for the dye, I just was trying with all my might to not let the pain get to me, I was almost through, I had to finish. I was not going to have to redo any of this again!!   The last round of banging and dinging and screeching felt like it would never end, but once it finally did and they were in there releasing me from the beast I was so excited to know that it was over.  I couldn't wait to move!  It felt incredible.  Although because I was full of Valium I couldn't really express my appreciation for this moment.  So I made it past hurdle one of many many many to come, but it's my first fight in my battle and although perhaps not gracefully, I conquered it nontheless!!