Bald Girl Problems

Itching my bald head with a surreal feeling that I really have no hair.  Still seems so crazy.  I wish I was one of these confident women that didn't care about hair and boobs or makeup and eyebrows, but I'm just not.  I'm struggling with trying to be comfortable.  I still don't feel comfortable rocking the bald and not caring what people think, but wigging out is definitely NOT comfortable.   I am trying to perfect the head pat and itching my scalp without knocking a wig off of my head.  I've been trying everything. Half wigs, whole wigs, wigs with hats, wigs with headbands, half wigs with scarves.  Everyday is a new look and its always a mystery to friends and coworkers which persona will show up each day.  Still not looking forward to losing eyebrows and eyelashes, but on a positive note, I haven't shaved my armpits or legs in weeks!! 

Boring

I'm bored.  I've been sitting on this couch for way too long.  Got my second chemo treatment 6 days ago.   I feel like I went in more prepared this time, so I handled it a little better.  But there is no getting around the laying around.  I get so tired and have such little energy that a walk to the kitchen is taxing.   I now have way too much knowledge of the Real Housewives of New Jersey.  Feeling better now, but still cant do a whole lot and have to be careful about germs and bacteria, so now I'm just bored.   The hubby and kiddo are off at Raging Waters, which since that is just a giant pee pond, I am stuck at home, bored!!  And on top of bored, I'm HUNGRY.  My appetite is definitely not a problem.  I feel like I could eat ALL day long.  And everything sounds so good, but unfortunately, nothing actually tastes good!!!  My mouth is just gross!!!  There is no other explanation. Yuck!!  And I am still not adjusting really well to being bald.  Every time I go out, I feel paranoid that everyone is looking at me.  It's still a little awkward and I really need to get more comfortable in my own skin.  I am sure it will get easier, but for now I am still missing my hair!! Looking forward to feeling good the next two weeks.  And almost at the half way point! Yay!! 

Happy 4th of July

So Wednesday July 2nd I wake up and there is a whole lot of hair falling out of my head. I decide not to take a shower in an effort to keep my hair as long as possible. Originally my goal was to keep it through the beach house, but now I've decided I'd also like to keep it through 4th of July.  So I try not to touch it or do anything to disturb the hair and cause it to come out.  By Thursday morning after showering the amount of hair loss is stating to look a little shabby.  I wear a hat to work to hide the visible scalp.  I make it through the day and it's not looking too awful just yet.  Friday morning I shower and the hair is just falling out of my head. I honestly don't know if much is even in my scalp at all or just sitting on my head. Every time you pull at the hair it just comes right out. It's so weird and crazy.  I decide I have enough left to put a scarf over my very thinning scalp and still have my own hair. We have an awesome morning and afternoon with family and friends at the Ontario parade and then the annual pool party.  I am self conscious about my hair constantly shedding around me and my scarf riding up so you can see my scalp, but I'm pretty sure no one else notices and I'm just being paranoid.   I know I'm going to have to shave my head tomorrow and am just trying to come to grips with my reality.  We've been giving Glenn a hard time about shaving his head with me, but he is very concerned about his thinning hair never coming back.  But after a couple of beers he has a change of heart! :) So he breaks out the clippers and I get to do the honors!   He looks surprisingly good. :). But then the alcohol helps start a trend and we are joined by two more courageous souls that want to show their support and give me more courage. So we shave Jerry's very soft and beautiful hair and then Chris decides to sport a little shorter do in support.  I am still unsure if I have the courage to do the deed with an audience, but Glenn convinces me that doing it while I have the support around me would probably be easier than waiting til the morning when my cheering squad isn't there! :). So I bite the bullet and take my turn in the hot seat!  We decide to have a little fun with it at first and shave my hair into a Mohawk . It's fun and takes away my emotional reaction to losing my hair.  I have awesome friends! :)  I watch the fireworks with a Mohawk next to my bald husband and awesome and supportive daughter and feel like despite my recent bad luck I am a pretty lucky woman.
So this morning we shaved my head. I am bald. I am officially a cancer patient! :( But it's a beautiful Saturday with my beautiful family and I have a smile on my face!